my trolling area =3

Tuesday, October 25, 2011 ♥ 10:12 PM

it has been a very long time since i posted here.
I had decided to post here as something has been bothering me recently.
It seems that I am really insignificant.
Everytime after I graduated I will feel very sad as I do not want our friendship to die down after we left our school thus I always try to make an effort to remember each one of you and even cry when I remembered you.
However my friends dont even make an effort to do so.
I wanted to meet up with each one of them but I am clear that they dont want to see me.They dont even want to see my face.They dont even remember my name anymore. I remembered last year my birthday I was extremely disappointed.Normally for our other friends birthday they will make an effort to wish them but for mine,i didnt even receive a single wish from them.Plus they dont even know that it was my birthday,especially during my birthday the year before we celebrated together.When I told them how disappointed I was not to receive their wishes they dont feel sorry at all.Imagine my disappointment.as my birthday is nearer,I dont want to see this happen again.
Plus everytime I always express how sad I am online,no one seems to care.I will expect a few comments and wall posts from people telling me to cheer up but I never receive any.It seems that nobody cares about me at all.It seems that I am not important to anybody.I am just a nobody.Looks like when I die nobody will even know or care about it.
Although I may seem that I dont care about any setbacks and look strong,to tell you the truth,I am very weak in the inside.I can be emotionally affected by everything that happened to me.Even it had happened very long time ago i still can remember it vividly and still be sad about it.I am a person who will never let go thus I love to recap my memories by listening to songs and watching shows that will remind me of the past.Most of the time I will find myself saying"How i wish to go back to the past"
Plus I am not an attention seeker.I just want to express my true feelings and I am currently feeling lost thus I need guidance from someone else.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011 ♥ 10:34 PM

tomorrow is the day D:
I am supposed to be studying for my last paper but I cant,as I am now feeling down
I really cant imagine Super Junior without this guy,our universal space star cinderella. He is the first member I know,as in the first name I learnt among all 13 names.
I used to mistake him as the leader of Suju
or even like everybody else,I mistake him as a girl once
I regret at ss3 Singapore I didnt look at him much,without realising that that is the first and last time i see him in real life for 2 years.
Everything will feel empty without you,honestly
I will miss you always talking about yourself in variety shows
I will miss you uploading selcas of yourself and your friends,be it super junior or chocoball,on twitter almost everyday
I will miss you dancing to girl group dances
I will miss you declaring your love to Sohee every chance you had
I will miss you being the only one doing peace sign during introduction when the other members do the "urineun super juni-or" hand sign
I will miss you crossdressing in super shows
I will miss you kissing your members and other guys
I will miss your fanchant "Saranghaeyo Kim Heechul,Uyubitkal Kim Heechul"
I even wonder how will Super Junior or Chocoball continue without you
But,you will be back for two years
We will always wait for you to come back
2 years is a short journey only
To be honest,when I first heard that you are enlisting on 1 September,I feel very shocked,I cant take the news

But I dont want you to feel upset and worried when you are leaving 2mr.你就放心的走吧，其他成员由我们来守护，我们会等你归来的，2年的时间我们等的起
After your enlistment,it will be this guy turn to left us sooner or later

But another one will be coming back.Thus we PROM15E TO 13ELIEVE and be with them forever and wait till the day when all members reunite and comeback together.I am willing to wait,are you?

Monday, August 29, 2011 ♥ 8:20 PM

I am dead.
I confirm plus chop hav to forward Cell Bio module
Today is cell bio paper and I did not answer some questions,some even got answer I anyhow answer.
Had to study for ICHEM and IFF later
some of my friends damn lucky,holidays start alreadi
WHY I SO UNFAIR???
bt I also dun want 1 sept to come
coz as most ELFs noe,our universal big space star cinderella Kim Heechul is enlisting soon.
I really cant accept how will SJ be without him.
I really dont want to think at all

But i also anticipate 1 sept as i want this stupid exams to finish asap.
I want to do things I love
I want to learn more dances
I want to cosplay(DUH)
I want to start preparing for my AFA cosplan.I had decided what to cos already,except that I didnt have time to start preparing.
Speaking about cosplays,I think I better try my very best to look better in all my cos
not coz of fame or want to be respected,is because it is my hobby and I want to do it properly so that I will be happy at the end result.
Still thinking of what to cos for TGX.going on Sunday only
I am planning to say goodbye to vocaloid cosplans now.too many vocaloids till I am sick of it in events,and vocaloid cosplays are getting more n more random now,some cosers can wear a vocaloid wig with their casual clothing and happily go for events.
I was guilty of doing that once till I realised that is the type of cosplay I didnt want to do at all when I started cosplaying
When I started cosplaying,I always wanted to wear something special,something I would not wear in my daily basis.
thus I am rather against casual cosplay.
Wish myself good luck
and last but not least

SUPER JUNIOR THE LAST MAN STANDING

Tuesday, August 23, 2011 ♥ 5:18 PM

I had went through these during my life
my belongings and items being taken away and even I searched the entire classroom I still can't find it
Being called with nasty nicknames
When my hair was tied into a ponytail,my rubber band was being pulled off and thrown away and was found only a few months later
I had to buy another textbook as one of my textbook was being thrown away and manage to find it when breaks start
My head was placed in a big container and people will hit the container
My bra will always be unhooked by people
Sometimes I return home from school with bruises and cuts on my hands and legs
I was being shooted by rubber bands a few times
I was being pushed and thus I fell a few times,leaving cuts and bruises on my legs and sometimes blood
My passport photo was being drawn and pasted on the obituary section of the newspaper
I had been slapped by boys and also girls before
My textbook has been vandalised by drawings and sometimes nasty words before
Someone draw something obscene on a table and forged my signature beside it,and the teacher thinks I am the one who do it
Whenever I walk passed people,they always show that they are disgusted and run away
When people talk about me,they always describe me as contagious and is like I have a virus that will spread to them
They physically abused me by kicking,hitting and punching,sometimes they claimed it is someone else who do it.They think I am blind
In my friends' autograph book,my name had been written beside the word "hate" or "hell" plus nasty comments beside it,thinking I won't see it.But I did
Another physical abuse I had suffered,pen or pencil being poked into my arm
Being called crazy,ugly,disgusting in front of me
Being given code names so that they can say bad things about me online
Telling people they met for the first time bad things about me,causing them to leave the wrong impression about me
Planning to celebrate when I didnt come to school or when I died
Making vomit sounds when my name is mentioned
Assuming that I had a mental disease
Being left out when I want to hang out with them
Being splashed with buckets of water in a party
Openly saying bad things about me online,but denied when I confront them
Throwing my stuffs from my table
Throwing my bag around
Telling me to say what they want me to say so that I can make a fool of myself.Luckily I didnt fall for that
Asking me to do things that is embarrassing
Pasting insulting signs and even tortoise behind my back
Imitating my voice and quoting some things I said
Creating a fake guy to sweet talk with me so that I will fall in love with him and planning to make him break my heart so that I will feel very sad and heartbroken.
I wrote this as I want to encourage those who are struggling with bullies at school to stay strong.I had went through many of these and now here I am,staying strong and having a positive mindset.If you are having suicidal thoughts just because of one suffering you had encountered,you should see how much I suffer.Also if you have done this to me before and happened to read this,just to let you know I had forgiven you.I do not ask for you to feel regretful and apologise to me as it is already over.I just want to let you realise that even though you have show hate towards me,I had never hated you at all.I hope that you will have a wonderful and enjoyable life and everything that happened is the best for you.I will also be praying for you so that everything will be good for you.
Another advice,crying never works even though you are being taunted and is suffering from the hands of bullies.I once cried in front of them so that their heart will "soften" and realise that they are hurting me.Instead,they laughed and feel happy about it.Actually this is what they wanted to see.They want to see you cry and suffer.Just dont let them get what they want from the "satisfaction" of bullying by staying strong and immune to the whole thing
Also,never bully others just to let them understand how you feel.When I suffered severely,i actually bullied some people I can't stand so that I won't be the only one who is suffering.Looking back,I realised how selfish I am,without considering the feelings of some innocent people.Now I will rather I am the one who is suffering instead of my friends as they are innocent.
To conclude this,I just want to say that life is never smooth and comfortable.I had never expected my life to be that smooth and comfortable and go according to my ways,instead I leave it to God to plan for my life.I believe that those sufferings I went through are tests that God had given me,to see if I can survive or not.Happy to say,I had pass his tests.If I can,I hope you will.

Sunday, July 31, 2011 ♥ 10:02 PM

if u noe me well,i tink u noe who is him and how i feel towards him
some of my friends say the whole singapore and the whole world knows i love him
and i even casually joked with my friends that i wanna f him
okie i am trying to be a delusional fan girl in this blog post so pls pardon me,actualli i am not like that de(readers:才怪!)
here is his ideal type
She should have big eyes and deer eyes (he called the rabbit eyes) , especially who has brown eyes the most. Cause he thinks the girl who has brown eyes looks very sexy. Hae Oppa likes to look at the eyes them most, He said when you meet the other, the first thing you is look at her/his eyes.
thank god i am born with big eyes :D am i am not bragging
She should have long hair and also fair skin. long hair at least i can make it.i vowed not to cut my hair again ever since last year when i look damn fugly with short hair.but fair skin?NUHHHH!!!!U GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!i am not fair and i am rather tan!
He loves a girl with nice forehead. He said that His super girl is a girl with a beautiful forehead, because whe he sees nice foreheads, He would feel like kissing it. He will kiss her forehead everyday.
-pin fringe up and check forehead-got abit of pimples but heard of sth call facial and makeup?with these those pimples on my forehead will gone alreadi :D okie in order for him to kiss my forehead everyday i will pin up my fringe,though i tink i look better with bangs
He wants a girl who only loves him, look only at him. (Yupz jealous DongHae, kkkk)
DO YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU ONLY OPPA???i love you more than my father,just kidding,i love you more than other super junior members and other male idols and guys i had ever known in my life haha
She has to be good korean-food cook.
i cant cook D: but its okie,i will LEARN for the sake of u
He wants a girl who has height around 167 cm.
T.T I see tis i freaking want cry le D: I am 161 cm,i am too short for him T.T and i shrunk D: i used to be around 162-163 and now i am 161cm D:
He likes to seeing the girl’s collarbone.
sorry hor my collarbone nt obvious.i tink nid jianfei then can see coz i too fat liao.I noe right u no like fat girls D:
actualli kind of match larh,just tht i need be more prettier can alreadi.like tht he can notice me and who knows?i will marry him and be his wife <3
delusional part 2 comes now.those xxx couple moments are NOT real and i am gonna disclose em.actualli is not being delusional,is more of wanting to state my stand

okie i noe he smiled sweetly at her,but it is because he is a nice guy and she thanked him.not like some guys i know,after i thank them,they give the "orh" look and walk off.sometimes they heck care at all.

that is because he was blocking her way.use common sense larh,ppl block your way u want em move so that you can pass through rite?dun tell me whn ppl block your way u dun care horh.
ahemahem gt ppl compile alot of moments for this couple so i am gonna post alot

as usual,he is being nice and they two are like very good friends so yea.

they left these two together coz they are the guests and yea,for radio shows like this there is at least a photoshoot like this while guests only take photo without the hosts and DJs

aiyoh,their ideal type can mean other people marh,why they two onli?

he did that just to make fun of her.i have guy friends imitating girls just to make fun of them,like accent,the way they talk,they walk,they eat,they sing,dance etc.the only love thing is SM arrange de,nothing to do with them.

JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE ALWAYS TOGETHER IS NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE A COUPLE!!i tink is because of coincidence they stand together

wahlau eh,he is just looking around at her direction.sometimes i may look at this guy not because i like him but is because i am standing at the direction that is facing him.got it?

they are trying to be nice.i tink is becoz they won sth?eh if this is consider moment,when my guy friend glomp me to congratulate me that means he my boyfriend.hahaha

this is not consider a moment.if it is,when i am laughing along with my guy friends they my boyfriend alreadi.but this is at least better than he physically bully her or scold vulgarities at her,which guys had always been doing to me

lemme say this alot of times,he is being nice and he can do that to other female idols
aiyoh i lazy compile the rest larh,but i just wanna say,those haesica,yoonhae shippers are like primary school kids or mothers,they see hae and sica/yoona gt skinship,interaction,they go say is moment,just like primary school kids they see one boy and one girl talking to each other,they will ask "your boyfriend arh?","you like him right?" and also mother they see their daughter go out with one guy she will like"is he your boyfriend?","girl arh you too young to have boyfriend alreadi","next time bring home let me see kae?"if hae see those haesica or yoonhae moments compiled i bet he will be annoyed and come out to say "no larh,we just friends only,dont anyhow assume" and may avoid those girls in the future.even jessica and yoona will be annoyed also.
and i am saying these is not because i am an anti super generation shipper(i am a eunhae shipper coz i ship only yaoi and my delusional side ship haetina),is because from those moments it didnt convince me that they are a couple,more like brother and sister and close friends.to be honest i am also quite jealous as i never had a guy friend who i am very close with.i am also here to share with you my life story.even i have friends who are of the opposite gender,i only chat with them and never hang out with them much.I dun even have one guy friend who i can share my problems with.I am quite shy around guys as i am not used to talking to the opposite sex and also due to the fact that my friends like to assume that i like whatever guys i have talked to thus I never pluck up the courage to be close with any guys.I did not come from an all girls school but i mixed around with girls more and somemore in my poly I am from an all girls class due to my course.the only skinship i ever did with guys is during camp when we are playing games.I also had to admit that i dun feel comfortable when guys talk to me via MSN or FB chat.maybe its about time i shall open more to guys since it will help for my future life,especially working life.
i sound like i am beating around the bush,but actually i am like this i had to admit kekeke

Friday, July 29, 2011 ♥ 9:37 PM

veri long time nvr blog le
recently,ups and downs have been happening in my life,many things happen which i cant put them in words to blog about.
has been busy everyday and returning home at night time,our exams are coming at august,i really do hope to do well as it is 50% of my GPA.
sometimes i feel so stressed that i cant even breathe.

However,a BIG day is coming
no,NOT national day.i decided not to give a f about it tis yr,esp after the damn awful fun pack song
its no other than...

fr those pictures veri obvious izzit?
do you know that i have been waiting for this day ever since i became an ELF?(fyi i became an ELF on late July 2010 after their no other promotions)recently i looked like i escaped from hougang chalet as i am veri HIGH over their comeback.FINALLY IS THE DAY,THE RETURN OF THE SUPERIOR!!! during the past few days,individual teaser images of members have been released.NEXT WEEK IS GONNA BE SUJU WEEK
okie my plan for august
1 August-release of mr simple teaser
2 August-release of mr simple audio
3 August-release of album
4 August-press conference
5 August-Music Bank comeback
6 August-Music Core comeback
7 August-Inkigayo comeback
8 August-smelling test,national day eve
9 August-national day(it is gonna be another year of watching NDP on tv and eating pizzas)
10 August-i pray poly have National Day holiday D: we dun even hav youth day holiday
11 August-M.Countdown comeback
12 August-Music Bank
13 August-Music Core
14 August-Inkigayo
19~21 August-receive my 5 jib
26 August-OCHEM exam
29 August-cell bio exam
31 August-ICHEM exam

Thursday, June 23, 2011 ♥ 1:02 PM

In case you dk,Heechul and TRAX Jungmo juz formed a unit grp called M&D with a new song call "close your mouth"(though sometimes i call it shut your mouth)
here is the audio

as i heard this song I just realise heechul is more suitable to sing rock songs like this which suddenly makes me thing of super junior possible future.
I once predicted their future if they will to disband(touch wood)
Leeteuk will be an MC
Heechul will either be an MC or go solo as a rock singer
Yesung enuff say,this guy obviously will go solo as a ballad singer
Kangin oso will become an MC
Shindong either will be an MC or comedian.this guy is funny
Sungmin either will be an actor or go solo.This boy is talented.Or even he can be kungfu artist and represent korea take part in olympics
Eunhyuk he oso will end up as an MC and he can oso be a rapper and hav an album or even better,collab with donghae like GD and TOP release a rap album.
Donghae will become an actor and maybe like mention above,collab with eunhyuk and one more thing,my husband <3
Siwon cfm will be an actor maybe acting in hollywood movies and can be a model oso.
Ryeowook confirm will go solo as a singer and sing ballad oso and he will write his songs too
Kibum doesnt his future is planned alreadi?as an actor too
Kyuhyun oso will become a solo singer singing ballads and maybe chinese?
But still,i dun want them to disband,seeing they are so close together.Okie shall stop tokin nw,scarli whatever i say become true?(touch wood again)